September 29, 2014


    If in my last post you were learning that in my house 3 had become 4 cause we had a heart broken in the house (a friend of ours, me and the KID, that is) well, flash: the heart broken has been replaced by a bitch...a she dog, that is.

How did this happen? Easy: 
         the heart broken left us after a week for a house with bathroom doors:) And also to make plans with his brother on buying an apartment. Kids today! 
It was however an interesting experience that made me realize that, in order to accommodate someone else, I need a much bigger house, with doors, of course and several separate entrances. 
Well, actually, no..I can't accommodate anyone for more than 2 days. And even then, the person must be drunk as a skunk, unable to move, speak or do any other activity that would involve the above.
 I like my privacy, damn it! I left my parents' house when I was 18 and I've been living my own life ever since.

While our friend was here, the KID's biggest fear was that he would no longer be able to walk around (almost) naked. Well...he lived and he succeeded in keeping his clothes on.
But it was hard...
       The doggie ...her former owner is about to move into an apartment and there's not gonna be enough room for the dog too. So I took her. 
My other dog, who is 9 years old has a hard time adjusting to this brown crazy full of energy four legged barking thing. She's one crazy bitch, I tell you.
There she is in all her splendor:
Ok, take that damn picture already! I haven't got all day...
But enough about this...

Few days ago I realized it was September. Already! Just 3 months til Christmas! Where has this year gone?
   Soon there's gonna be 1 year and a half of me and the KID. Of this unusual relationship that is consuming both of us.
Each day I look at him, at us, and I think how funny life is... how everything is about the perfect moment. The perfect timing. And nothing else.

 And I'm not talking about the kind that we live once and then remember all our lives, about a memory, but about "a perfect storm"...when things that are happening to you and those around you are leading to something completely unexpected for those involved and not only.

Take a look at this perfect storm:

               One month earlier - he cheats
        Friday - he leaves her
Sunday - a stranger moves to the big city
         10 days later the stranger gets a job in the same place as her
                3 months later - she comes back to life
     3 and a half months later - the stranger decides to send her a text message promising to   make her smile
     3 days after the text message - she decides to send the stranger an email with nothing but a subject
     3 days after the email - the stranger enters her life completely
               One more day later - the stranger is in love for the first time in his life

 Do you ever wonder ...or let me rephrase this: how many times in your life have you wondered how things could have been if you had done just one thing differently? You know..the COULDA, WOULDA, SHOULDA...

I actually did that several times in a few months and each time I reach the same conclusion: from where I am now, I can't think of anything I could or should have done differently.

      If I hadn't gone a bit crazy during the last few months of my old relationship, I would probably still be living half of life: only half loved, half desired, half house owner, half happy.
Most probably not writing...

 Could it be that I've brought everything on myself? Could it be that at some stage of our lives, we act crazy cause the unconscious knows it's time to move on, do something, but we don't? Or we're too afraid to admit it, to get out of our comfort zone?
  "Freud believed that the majority of what we experience in our lives, the underlying emotions, beliefs, feelings, and impulses are not available to us at a conscious level. He believed that most of what drives us is buried in our unconscious. "

    Soooooo...what drove me to go crazy 2 years ago? To be suspicious? To be aggressive to the man next to me? Not in a I WANNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE kinda way (even though that crossed my mind few times)...
 Was it a desire for someone else? Maybe...
But what I believe now, if I were to listen to the dead guy, Freud that is, is that what was mostly living in me was a desire for freedom. 
And this desire for freedom brought me next to someone wonderful.


September 12, 2014

Lexy lately

It's been more than a month since I was here last. 
     My writing and my blog have been my ...secret garden where I went when going through the worst times of my life. I had a lot more time to write while dealing with depression and I have a strange feeling that my writing was actually better during those times :-) Oh well...

It's been a bit over two months since I moved into my new house. 
     Still door-less, I'm afraid :-) And yes, going to the bathroom is still a challenge. 
I had some people over to fix something a few weeks ago and I think I might have peed my pants if they stayed just a few minutes longer.

It's been a week since I'm on vacation. 
      It didn't really feel like it, except for the fact that my son was the alarm instead of my phone. He doesn't have a snooze function, unfortunately.

It's been almost a week since there are no longer 3 people in my house, but 4. Curious?

It's been almost 6 hours since Kidzilla went to the ...dark side :-) 
     I mean his father's, of course, aka Bob.
Lately, the man has been showing me that, the older he grows, the more pathetic he becomes. Could this be from the constant exchange of ideas he has with the Bitch? Oh wait, there is none.
    This made me realize an universally known fact : we are so many different people, we wear so many masks in our lives and, honestly, it's a mystery how we can go through so many changes and still be able to keep some traits along the years. 
If you don't understand this, don't worry...sometimes I don't understand myself either. 

Can a relationship actually work when you are with someone who is not very...bright? Would you even consider a serious relationshit with someone like that?

    What are the consequences of that for you as an individual? 
   Do you have to train your brain more in order not to lower yourself to your partner's level?    
   Why would you get involved with someone like that in the first place? Yes, the promise of sex is one explanation...
Alright, this is my bitchy moment and this is a subject that can be debated for days. 

The (non) sense of meaningless relationships. 
                                But I'm nobody to judge on that.

I'm thinking: what if the KID was unable to challenge me intellectually? No, the sex would not be enough to keep the relationship going for more than a month provided that I'd see him few times a week and not more than half hour each time. 
  A year and a half soon...He's driving me crazier than my son most of the time, but I've learned to accept that, as long as I let him, I must like it. Twisted, I know. And quite difficult to admit, trust me.

And speaking about's been half hour since the KID has been nagging can all guess about what...

At the beginning of this post, I was telling you that my house is now a home for 4. No, I haven't given birth since my last post. 
Instead, I am now a shelter for the to speak. 

    One of the few persons the KID tolerates has recently ended a 7 year relationship with his girlfriend and the KID thought it would be nice to offer him accommodation and heart...medicine.  
For most people, it helps to be around friends when going through heartbreak. I'm not one, but our friend is. 
He is thankful for not being alone through what seems to be a difficult time for him. 

Briefly, the girlfriend felt that the relationshit lacked some spark...some new beginning butterfly stuff...something. Obviously, despite his efforts, he was unable to provide that, so the long lasting affair ended in tears, for both of them, but for different reasons.

As if I needed another one, this is for me proof that relationships that start before our 20's will inevitably end after few years, if we're lucky. 
      Why? Because it is unlikely that both partners will develop the same or find a way to actually complete each other after going through different levels of change. 
Or simply because, at some point, either one of them or both will want to experience something/someone else. But this is just my opinion.
Don't worry, I'll let you in on this some more in the coming weeks.

I bought a couch and other small things for the house. Guess what the result was? I'm broke least till next month's pay check. 
   Unlike few months ago, now I try not to worry so much. Even though I should, I think inner peace and psychological health is much more important.

It's hard enough with 3 dicks in the house, 4 if you count the dog, so why bother for other things too? 
Til next time, peace!