August 6, 2014

Meet Lexy Gray, the Dominatrix

   Let me start by telling you this: send your kids to bed, cause this is not a post for those under age.
  Don't worry, there will not be any foul language (well...maybe a bit), nor will you see anyone naked (well...maybe a bit), but puritans should turn off their computers now cause I'm about to get crazy. Don't tell me you thought I was a sane person :) And I have a reason to be crazier than usual cause KIDZILLA is on holiday with the Lord of Darkness, Bob that is...his father, pour les connaisseurs.

  As some of you may already know, my (new) house is a mess, looking like Baghdad. Just so you understand, this is my father's way of expressing the idea of a total mess, muddle, understand. You know...cause Baghdad is a war zone and he's a military...
   When I used to live with my parents, each time he entered my room he would say: "aren't you gonna clean up here? it looks like Baghdad." That was during the Golf War. Yes, I am that old.

    Anyways..getting away from the point.
What I actually meant to talk to you about here was how I spent my evening. I'll tell you: like a queen.
  While the KID is setting the shades to the living room windows, I am having a glass of wine and loads of ice cream...honeydew flavor. I am sure the pics below will give you an idea about my evening:

1st - he measured the shades and then he cut some cause they were too long
this was not a difficult work, but it was time the KID hated it cause it kept him from spending this time with me instead (read ... having sex instead)

2nd - he focused really hard on the work he was about to do 

3rd - he climbed and made some holes 
and yes, that's his work uniform ;)

That's right, this is how I put the KID to work, while I have my glass (read bottle) of (slightly bad) wine and my box (empty now) of ice cream . Rest assured, the KID had some ice cream too, I didn't eat it all by myself.

More than half of bottle of wine and a lot of ice cream later, ta daaaaa! I can walk naked in my living room without the fear of being watched by my pervert neighbors. 


This is a bonus pic of the KID making friends with a my own home:))

 I have no idea whose pussy it is, it just started visiting us daily, eating my dog's food and being more than friendly. 
  Just so you know, I'm not a cat person cause I lived with my aunt for 4 years and her mother-ship cat (trust me, there's no other word for that thing) had babies every 3 months. Each time, at least 4...and my aunt kept them until they were about 2 months old (til she found homes for them), time during which I had the same sleep planning as the cats.
  Slightly, my ass (sorry..I guess it's Tourette)! If there's a group of siblings, they play all night and chase each other like crazy..So what if the human sleeps on the couch? Let's run over and jump on her face!
Good night, everyone:) Enjoy your cats, dogs, kids and...KIDS;)

August 3, 2014

The child and the KID

    How far would you go to make your relationship work? What does "healthy relationshit" mean? If Ryan Tedder 
comes at my door and I kick the KID out for, let's say, 2 hours or so, does that count as cheating? Ok, Ryan's my new obsession, so leave me alone. 
   Adam, baby, if you're reading this, I still love you and you can come knocking whenever.

    Whoever said or even thought for a second that a relationship with someone younger was easier, well, that person was either the younger half of a couple or a senile.
    As time goes by and my relationship with the KID grows, I realize that almost a year and a half since we've been together does not count that much when it comes to things I have to learn or should know about the trio that is me, my son and the KID. Translation: a 24 year old care free guy, a 32 (late 23) year old mother and her 5 and a half year old "monster".
   He knows as many things about kids as I do about football. Come to think of it..I may know some things about football. Damn, I watched a few matches during this year's World Cup and paid attention to the hot guys; that must count for something right?
    The fact of the matter is that KIDZILLA (my son, that is) has only been "exposed" to the KID day and night for a month. Yes, one month since we've been officially living together under the same roof (the few weeks in the old house don't count as the KID was coming and going). 
    Nowadays it's like watching GAME OF THRONES, cause both my son and the KID are marking their territory and fighting to become kings. So far, no blood was shed, but hey, it's only been a month.

   If I were an outsider, I'd say this is fun to watch cause the age difference between them is not that high (only 19 years :))), but since I'm not, my insider view is: GOD, HELP ME! I am acting as a freaking referee when I'd rather let them settle this as men
   Both are fighting for a woman's attention, but honestly I wish they did it for a ball or something. Cause my position is really not the greatest: I have to teach stuff to both of them. It's true that I'm learning things myself. Most important that I've learned so far: I should never buy a gun. 
   This weekend we spent 2 days at the beach. Even though I said I would not get out of the house for the next 5 years cause the works cost me a fortune, I managed to save some money to put the KID and my son in the car and drive to the beach (well, not drive literally cause I still don't have a license and I don't wanna talk about it). 
   It was more 2 days by the hotel's pool and it was great. The three of us love the water but the hardest thing we had to do the KID and I was to take the fish that is my son out of the pool to feed him. 
  What I saw during these 2 days was that both the KID and KIDZILLA are getting along just fine when they want to, cause they spent a lot of time in the pool together playing and having fun...I was more of an observer during their playtime (this is one of the many times this happens and it makes me happy to see them like that). But when it came to "serious" stuff (KIDZILLA hurt his finger), my son only wanted MOM to take a look. I'm sure that this will change in time...with a lot of efforts from all sides and medication for some.

    What makes a family? 
If somebody had asked me this question 2 years ago, I would have said : a woman, her partner (I don't say "husband" cause I still have a problem with marriage) and their child or children, if the parents are crazy enough. 
  Nowadays, I think that a family is made of people who love and would do anything for each other.

August 1, 2014

Boxes and crazy

    This is a story about a house...bla bla..I'm finally there!!!! I'm finally there!!!

   I missed writing, I missed time with myself, I missed...peace, but more importantly, I missed peace of mind. I still do, actually.

    So, even though I thought my final destination was moving in this new house, well...

   July 3rd was the day I stepped into my new life. I should have celebrated the day or something, but didn't. The only particular thing that happened were the tears I've shed when finally entering the house. Yeah, too mushy, even for me;)

But brace yourselves: for now it seems that I've stepped in the house from hell. Not kidding! Seriously, not kidding.

  I won the lottery, by the way.  

  No, no, I'm no millionaire. I actually won enough to buy another lottery ticket. But it's a start right? Or a sign. I haven't really decided on that.

  My mother already decided that it was a sign that my luck was changing. Why would I need that? 
Well...let's see:

a) that thing that makes the water run (don't know what it's called and don't feel like looking the word up right now) broke down, so I didn't have any water for almost a week.

I had to live like the Middle Ages..more or less. My showers turned into this: standing in the tub and pouring water on me with a large cup...something that looks like the image above, but with a larger cup

b)  one of the heaters in the house was losing water so, guess what? the plumber had to break the newly parqueted floor and the cement under it to see if there was any pipe messing around. And of course, there was, but luckily it was fixed. Now I can wait for winter to come.

c) I don't have any doors in my house, besides the front door, the entrance that is. 
well...bit better than this though

I changed my mind at the last minute about the doors I was about to buy and now I ran out of money to have others, so for the time being, I don't invite anybody over for ...obvious reasons.
But hey, there's always the garden...

d) the garden ...the garden...
Most rooms in my house have garden view, but by the look of it, it's more of a construction site view, cause where there should be grass, there's gravel and lots of useless shit...sorry :P 
I have things I wanna sell, things I wanna get rid of, things I wanna throw away, anything from microwaves to couches and dish washing machines...and I'm selling them below price..waaaaaay below;)  Anything sounds appealing to you?

e) the pool
OH! MY! GOD! The pool...I bought a kiddy pool for my son (maybe to make him or even myself forget that the real one is not usable...for now), but me and the KID can easily get in as well...Hey! it's a start, so back off :) 
in my case, the pool's bigger and the dog's smaller;)

f) it's been almost a month since I moved in, but I still have boxes all over

My friends and my mom say it's normal, but kid's room is cleaner than mine and not thanks to Kidzilla. Dooooohhhh! My room actually looks like a very messy Amazon warehouse (no offense whatsoever to Amazon:))

g, h, etc etc ...OH! MY! GOD!
Why hasn't anyone warned me about this??? 
   (listening to LOVE RUNS OUT while writing...I can't get enough of this song or of that Ryan :) Isn't he the hottest guy ever? Anyway...getting away from the point...and acting like a horny teenage girl..for nothing :()

Why hasn't anyone told me how difficult it was going to be? I am talking about the whole process, of course. Buying, refurbishing, cleaning, fixing, braking, paying over and over again for shit to be done. (Oh shit, I hope you're all over 18. If not : kids, this is a bad word and should not be used until you come of age)
  As most of you know, I'm not usually like this, except for moments when I'm really lost, confused, annoyed, excited, nervous...somebody stooooooooop me

   And I think that I need a vacation. Wait a minute: I am on vacation! But I must have forgotten this because of all the work I've been doing lately...also waking up early to take KIDZILLA to summer school did not help at all :(
    I know, I'm a bad mother: I've been sending my baby to school during summer. But let me tell you about this school of his: it's a continuous pool party there. Since day 1, I've been asked to provide my son with necessary equipment for the swimming pool. Hell, I would gladly switch places with him for about a month and this way he would finally understand what "work" means instead of asking me every week.

   And now, getting to serious stuff....Oh come on, did you really fall for this? :)

Seriously now :)...with everything that's been going on in my life, I've come to realize it myself: just like books, our lives are made of chapters. 
You cannot have too many happy or joyful ones without paying for them. And you can never have too much bad going on either...unless you allow it. 
  I guess that both happiness and sadness exist in our lives for as long as we allow them to. Voluntarily or not, we decide to keep either one in our existence by our choices and decisions. 

   Recently, due to a number of events, I've made the decision of not giving a shit anymore. And by saying that, I actually mean...not giving a shit about anything that's not worth a shit. Too much shit going on here...(Kids, don't forget what I said earlier..about becoming of age..bla bla)
   In this chapter of my life I have learned that the inner peace, my own peace of mind is extremely important. I've learned that what matters most is to be satisfied with the life and way of living. Cause if you're going nuts, well...we all know where that goes

  And the problem is that, lately, I've paid too much attention to things that complicate my existence, things that make it ugly. And that, my friends, that is completely unacceptable. 

I know, it sounds cliche, but having a revelation like this is great. It should happen at least once in everyone's life, trust me. Luckily, I had mine in my 30's. Sorry, late 20's.  (come to think of it, not sure if I should say luckily or sadly).

   Maybe it's everything I've put up with in the last few months, maybe it's the white wine I just had (white wine always makes me act crazy), maybe it's One Republic's LOVE RUNS OUT, but I have reached that point in my life where things become more and more clear: I can see what's important and what's not, what matters and what doesn't, what makes a difference in my life and what doesn't. 
   Another thing that I sadly became too aware of was how, at some point, everything revolves around money. If we're lucky, we lead our lives above this, but keeping one thing in mind: