February 15, 2014

Passive or aggressive?

    Thank God, Valentine's Day is gone! 

   Some of you may have spent this "special" day exchanging love notes or stuff like that; I spent mine negotiating my future house's sale contract with the owner for 6 whole hours. Only to come home to a bouquet of orange tulips.
From the KID, of course :) 

    Yes, it was as fun as you imagine.
Actually, to get a picture of what that was, picture this: 
 you take the most negative guy in the world (the owner, 50-ish I'd say, but I'm really bad at this game of guess my age) who changes his mind more than any girl during PMS + one negative woman (that's me) + one really nice credit broker + one nicer real estate agent (a girl who turned out to be from my hometown) + a notary, you put them in a really hot room and you let the negative talk about a house they both want :)
   Each of us (referring to me and the owner) had our own fears and worse case scenario of what the other might or might not do. I guess that if we were in there for a bit longer, we would have discussed the possibility of the other not complying with his part of the deal in case of Apocalypse. Should we add a clause in our contract for that too? 
  Somehow, don't know and don't care how, during those 6 hours of tough negotiation, I seem to have convinced those people around me that I was a determined, powerful, bitchy (sometimes), successful, patient and ballsy single mom.
 My opinion of myself now: I may be passive aggressive, procrastinating pleasure principle addict. Quod erat demonstrandum. 
I agree, too much psychological shit going on.
In case you're like me, someone who hears lots of things,  but not always sure what those are, I'll develop. 
According to Wikipedia:
 passive-aggressive behavior is the indirect expression of hostility, such as through procrastination, sarcasm, hostile jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.
Pleasure principle is the instinctual seeking of pleasure and avoiding of pain in order to satisfy biological and psychological needs.
Procrastination is the practice of carrying out less urgent tasks in preference to more urgent ones, or doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time, sometimes to the "last minute".

    Now, analysis please, doctor Freud: 

if we look at the above and we take an honest inside look for a sec, we may find that half of the planet is passive aggressive.  

 I used to make hostile jokes, but they were only directed to one person called the BITCH. Now I'm getting treatment from the KID. Thanks, babe! So, does that count for a symptom? 

Same for sarcasm - I like sarcastic remarks, but who doesn't? The targets of my remarks deserve it, most of the time :) I guess this is any passive-aggressive 's favorite line. I've said it before and I'll say it again : I like
...maybe too much.

Stubbornness - well, what's the difference between me and a mule? One is biped and less hairy/furry. 

   When it comes to job tasks, I must say that, for a short period of time, I felt like I was swimming upstream. I guess it was due to my heart problems that I had stopped being the leader my team needed. I was the one that needed motivation, and instead of being the engine that made everything work, I was being towed. Luckily, it didn't last long and now it's all shiny and pink
 So, if I don't check all the boxes in passive-aggressive description, should I still go see a shrink? 

  Next, something I really enjoyed reading about it 's the pleasure principle. First, I thought it was just a song. Really:) You know..Janet Jackson..."it's the pleasure principle...uh oh" and so on and so forth. 

  Now I discover it's Mr. Freud himself who talked about this. Come to think of it, it's so easy to understand and express, that I wonder why others before him haven't thought about it.  Technically they did, but it didn't sound so...sexy:)
  I totally relate and find myself there; it's only normal to seek pleasure ..dooohhh:) Not as much as the KID would want me to, but still. I am however bad at avoiding pain. I am trying to improve this everyday and I should get to expert level pretty soon. 

   And last, but not least, procrastination, ladies and gentlemen. The thing is this: I seek pleasure, thus I avoid the pain of doing things that bore me or take way too long. I work indeed better under pressure, I hate deadlines and I tend to leave things at the last minute. Fortunately, I leave at the end  only things that don't really matter (as I estimate them) or things that I know it won't take long to solve.

   I learned some other interesting psychology things, but let's leave those for our next lesson, shall we? :) Just kidding, I haven't turned into Anna Freud all of a sudden.

   All this bla bla started from my Valentine's day 6 hour negotiation for a house that I really want for me, my baby son and the KID. Unlike the first time, I'm leading the show now, and it seems there is an alter ego in me who takes over when life changing situations or moments appear.

   We're so close, KID...

February 10, 2014

Save me from the Valentines

   It's been quite a while since I last wrote and I'm sorry for that. Make no mistake, I'm not apologizing to you, but to myself :) I feel the need to write every day, but I can't afford to be a full time writer...yet. I must fight for the time when I can fully dedicate myself to this absolute joy that is writing. 

    The big piece of news now is that I'm house hunting. And, my God, if it isn't the most stressful, frustrating, time consuming activity ever! I haven't seen too many, only 2-3/day, but still. And it's only been a week or so...
     The houses are too far, too expensive, too small, too big, small garden, no garden, too many bedrooms ,1 bathroom, too many bathrooms, 1 bedroom and so on. I've only raised my budget 3 times. Started out with an amount, then went higher, then went even higher. But what the hell, I'm only gonna pay for the house for about 30 years, so I really need to choose wisely. And most important, I want a house that I'll enjoy living in. Is that too much to ask?
 I spotted one that is really close to mine.
Ok, not this one...
Wouldn't that be funny? to move just around the corner from the old house.

    The other piece of news is that I got a car.
Ok, not this one...
And still no driving license. I must be the only one in the neighborhood to own a car without a driving license. But I have the KID for that. At least for now...Luckily he ain't mad at me for not driving...yet. I hope to get it once I finish everything with the house. I actually hope to get it before my son does. He's only 5, you know.

   One more thing on the agenda, ladies and gentlemen is jealousy. 
What the hell? Whoever said jealousy was good for a relationship was talking shit or was driving their partner crazy. So he or she needed an excuse to defend when his/her partner would put a gun to their head:
"Honey, I'm just being like that cause I love you so much. This is why I check your phone and emails every day. This is why I follow you to work and that's also the reason why I can't stand anyone looking at you. It's this crazy love that I feel for you." 
this is me now...

       I'm just kidding :) I'm sure it's much worse sometimes.
But let's be honest...I've been there, done that for a short, really short while and it turned out to be very bad ...for me. 
   We can only live and make others happy when we're given the freedom that we need. Cause what the other doesn't know or fails to remember, is that, once we are let to do the things we so longed for, we sometimes realize we don't need them anymore. 
If you think you'll make your partner love you or want you more by making a scene every time they talk or look at someone, you are so wrong. All you'll get is the opposite. Trust me, I know what I'm saying.
  But enough about jealousy..Who needs it anyway? We'll develop this another time, when my rabbit is not trying to make an Alcatraz escape from his new cage.

Last but not the least annoying on the list is the upcoming Valentine bullshit day, as I like to call it. 
 Ok, I must be one of the few bloggers who don't like this day or better yet, who completely dislike this day (to be on a positive note). 
Reasons? Well...

  can't see why we need one more thing to remind us that we're in a relationship and that we have to pay attention to the other - we already have someone who nags us about paying attention to him/her and it happens every day: it's our partner

we'll look bad if we hate the day, but our partner likes it. So we'll have to do that thing we all hate: compromise, and fake some smiles and joy while we think of a million ways to punish the idiot who invented this 

  we have to buy expensive gifts ...whatever happened to the good old I LOVE YOU card? or LEAVE ME ALONE TODAY OR I'LL SCREAM, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOVE YOU card? 

we have the obligation and duty to have sex - cause the damn day says so. It's the day we celebrate love and sex! So, on this day, the whole planet is having sex, so once again, we'll look bad if we don't do it!

we can't be upset on Valentine's day! No matter what! So, if our partner drives us crazy and all we want is to just break up, we can't do it. Unless we're complete jerks, right? 
Is that enough or are you thirsty for more?

Enjoy your day, all you lovers out there and maybe I'll escape mine :)