September 12, 2013

Kidzilla's "betrayal"

    " - Mom, I love the B!*#h cause she plays with me and she said she was my friend. And dad said I should love her."
   Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat??????? Wait a minute, something's wrong here. My 4 and a half year old did not just say that, did he? Ok, if I lived in a cartoon, I would have smoke coming out of my ears, but (un)fortunately, I live in the real world where my son is telling me he cares about his father's 26 year old new girlfriend. Kill me!

      Yes, I have lived to hear this. Even though few months ago he said he didn't like her, let alone love her, now things have changed for my little man (of course, he loves just about anyone who gives him lots of presents and never scolds him about anything...let alone if you're daddy's new girlfriend, desperate for acceptance, who just lost custody of her son for having cheated on the husband. Uuuuhhhhh too much information, even for me!). 
     Now, let's all be adults here and analyze the situation as calmly as possible...without throwing or braking things, without sending my son to an army camp (so what if he's 4?:D).  

    It's 2 am and I'm here with my cup of coffee, Justin Timberlake (yes, I'm not ashamed to admit it), blog world (spent few hours discovering blogging world today) and the worst of thoughts. 
    I do admit..I am selfish when it comes to my son and I'm in no rush of sharing his love with the woman (not sure I can call her like that cause of her age)  his father cheated with, but can I really hold it against him? Correct answer is: NO! 
   How can we, women whose life partners have cheated and lied could ever cope with the fact that our children may come to care about our partner's new love interest, especially when it's the person we were cheated on with? I for one find it damn hard, almost impossible. 

   When having children, we don't imagine for a moment that, at some point in our lives there would be a time when we would have to share their love with...daddy's illiterate peasant of a girlfriend (see for explanations). 
    I perfectly understand that he's only four and has no clear definition of love, but it still hurts to hear him mention the Bit#h's name and the word "love" in the same sentence. Selfishly I'm waiting for him to grow up and have the real perspective on things. 
   Today I was wondering what I could possibly answer him when he'll ask me why me and Bob are no longer together. He's already doing it, but so far I was able to get away with short answers like: "me and dad could no longer communicate well, but now that he lives in his apartment, dad and I get along just fine."  When in fact, what I feel like saying is: "your dad cheated on me, left us for mommy's younger still married work colleague, but he's blaming me for this saying mommy pushed him between the bit#h's skinny legs."  I can see my son go:

   Ok, ok maybe I won't do it...for now! just kidding! they say it is wrong to tell lies and this is exactly what I'm doing now: lying to my child about my relationship with his dad. I find it far worse than the Santa number I'm doing on him. I think I'll  need a drink when the time for THE TALK comes along.
    I am now in a constant competition for my son's love and acceptance, I am competing for 1st place in his heart, I am competing to be the only one in his heart. Yes, again, this is a selfish thing to do, but I am now competing against two adversaries. One's the father for the reasons I stated in my previous post ( and now the Bitch, who is trying to win my son over.  Come to think of it, I should have pushed her down the stairs when I had the chance:)

   And now, from a reasonable, normal, logical, unselfish, motherly perspective, I am glad that my son is feeling loved, I am glad SHE plays with him and makes him feel comfortable around her. I only hope SHE treats him well and not acting...otherwise pushing down the stairs will no longer be a theory.  I also wish that my son doesn't get hurt by his parents' silent war cause there's really nothing, absolutely nothing like being called several times a night by this little man who takes my hand in his and says I LOVE YOU, MOM in the middle of the night. 

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