Finally...after all this time (I'm saying this as if it meant dog years) it took half an hour after I woke up to think of HIM. Usually he's there from the second I open my eyes. Another victory for my EX significant other. Can I even say this? :)
Maybe I am just over-reacting...everyone keeps telling me to get on with my life. OK! I agree, I say. Now what? During the first 2 months, I used every opportunity I had to get him back. Come to think of it, I have done everything except selling my soul to the Devil.
Well...what soul? I am lying to myself and my friends saying that, after all the misery he puts me through (cause this is continuous work for him), I would think twice about taking him back if that were ever the case. This would be true in a world where both physical and psychological monogamy existed, pigs flew and I gave up sex and coffee for ever. Yes, I enjoy coffee and sex (not at the same time), but who doesn't?
I broke every rule of breakup...and I'm still doing it, wondering WHEN IS THIS GONNA END? When will it stop hurting? Why is everyone saying I need someone else in order to get rid of the pain? Why do I have to stop talking to him?
Why am I asking so many questions? It's surely the lack of physical contact that makes my mind go wild. The only physical contact I had lately was with the surgeon who touched my belly to see if I felt any pain after removing my appendix almost a week ago (has it really been that long?). 34 year old surgeon, by the way...and cute. Oh God! It sounds like a scene from SEX AND THE CITY, doesn't it? And just because I am hurting and heartbroken, it doesn't mean I have suddenly become blind. I am going for a check up in 2 hours from now.
Anyway, how many of you stopped having any kind of contact with the one you loved once you got dumped? In an ideal world, there should be some kind of machine that removes the love you still have for the other when you get dumped. Like: "I need to get my freedom back cause you haven't done things for me in the past ...let's say...8 years." I would say: "Sure, let me get the Love Remover". And bang! 2 minutes later we would have sex, like normal people.
Soooo...few hours and a flirt with the doctor later, I can honestly say: I have completely lost my flirting mojo! This is what an 8 year (or longer) relationship does to people. There is however one great thing: I am focusing on writing (ok, it's about HIM, but this is just a small detail) rather than remembering stuff from the past. Well..almost, cause on the way to the hospital, I got on a street where we used to go with our bykes with our baby...and even the sight of that street made me shiver.
I think there could be a cure to this: we (the dumped and left heartbroken and scarred for life...somebody stop me) should do ALONE at least once all the things we ever did with the one we loved so much and meant the world to us. For example: if you ever tried sky diving together (it's just an example), try doing this alone if the sight of a plane or parachute makes your heart cry. I mentioned the parachute cause some of us may think of ...well...leave it somewhere or consider it useless at a certain moment. But let's not forget that the purpose of everything is a cure, not additional fees for the family:))
I used the word "cure" cause I sincerely believe that heartbreak is illness; and they say that getting better entirely depends on each and every one of us and we have to find our own medicine, but I don't believe that. Cause no matter how hard you try by any means possible, it will not go away...