April 3, 2013

just find a way to smile..

what happened if we tried to really analyze all those things that teach us how to act when facing a breakup, when being left by the person we thought to be THE ONE? most of us would realize that the best thing is finding our own ways to mend our broken hearts

       just find your way to a smile
    In a world where we are constantly exposed to the idea of the couple, how can we really survive when we are facing a breakup shock? How can we go on with our lives when the person we adore says good bye just like that? Can we really focus on our own self instead of seeking love and emotions through others, instead of going on this quest for the one?

      I am currently going through a situation like this; he came home one unfortunate Friday evening 3 months ago and he serenely said he wanted to get his freedom back. And that's it! The 8 years we spent together building a relationship and a baby were thrown to the garbage in a matter of seconds. 

     How can I go on when minutes earlier I was living under the impression that my relationship was safe, that nothing could touch it, that we could have overcome anything? And, the cherry on top is that, few days after my shock, when I thought it was hard on him too and he was also hurting, I find out that he was actually "hurting" before we officially broke up accompanied by a work colleague (or THE B...H as me and my friends call her now), who is 6 years younger than I am (I am 31 by the way), with a child and about to divorce. Isn't life wonderful?

I heard that life as a couple meant good times and bad times, but I had only lived the good ones. I had lived under the impression that our little fights we had had (just like any other couple, I used to say) were insignificant compared to the love that came back each time, to the moments he held me and said I love you, you correspond to me, to the moments when he did so many little things that mattered so much and that constantly showed me his silent I love you's.

When everything around you is falling apart, how can you really put yourself together and go on like everybody says? If you've ever gone through the same thing I am now, you know damn well that NOTHING really helps.
So what can we do?
1. Try talking to everybody about the things you are going through (people you know, complete strangers, friends - those that stay despite the crying and depression will be called heroes at the end of this "adventure", work colleagues, including THE B...H cause you have no idea what is actually going on behind your back) and you get lines like: "you know there are people in situations that are much worse than yours.
You are not the first or the last person that goes through a breakup, so get on with your life! You are young and you will find someone else soon. It's good it happened now!"
My answer to this: you can all go hug a tree or do something that won't require using your brains. I am thinking about becoming a single girl for life.

2. Read online articles about how to overcome a breakup - completely useless for me personally because all the articles talk about how much good the no contact rule will do you, something like radio silence.
My answer to this: how can I possibly cut contact with the one I have a child with and in whose house I live in? Yeah, I forgot to mention that, despite the fact that the house is in both our names, I am the one who stayed. At least one thing that will make the pain go away a little. Or NOT, since our wonderful house is full of pictures of Us (that I broke of course), but moreover, the house is full of Us.
He comes home pretty often to see our baby, I see him every day at work and even if I don't see him, I know he's in the building. So the no contact rule does not work for me.

3. Read online articles about how to get your ex back - that of course, if you're depressed like me. I read and I hope, I read and I believe everything. The articles mostly talk about how to ignore your ex and show you are a strong person, just to show them what they lost.
My answer to this: Right! I guess I should get off the floor first in order to do that right? Instruction manual, please!

4. Avoid any thing that reminds you of your loved one or the relationship you had - that, in my case would mean just about everything.
Where should I start? First there's a commercial for holiday packages that instantly makes me remember our own vacations and, him, of course.

Then there's a song from an expert in broken hearts called Adele that makes me live everything all over again aaaand I want to fall into a deep sleep (I am starting to believe the theory according to which pain is measured on a scale from 0 to Adele).

Then there's going to the park with my baby - the park makes me cry instantly and makes me live something "great" called panic attack just because I see other families that have at least 3 members among which 2 are the parents or couples where he looks into her eyes deeply in love, she does more or less the same, then they kiss and hug. Bleah!

My answer to this: try digging a hole and get in for a while or find any other space that is not bigger than 4 square meters and from where there is no way out for at least a year. The alternative to this would be watching Miranda, a great British sitcom about a single girl; trust me: nothing to do with Carrie Bradshaw!

In the end, 3 months after my shock I can honestly say that it's getting even harder.

But maybe it's true what they say: it's gotta get worse before it gets better. And who knows: it's probably the first few years that are more difficult. And who was the intelligent one who said that the mourning period lasts half of the time the relationship did? In this case, there are only 3 years, 9 months and 4 days left for me. 

So all I can do is


  1. my tip for surviving a break-up, Don't listen to any Carpenter's songs, write about the experience, as I have done with my kindle book:"Diary of an unloved,sex-starved wife."
    Great blog Lexy :)

    1. Hey J:) writing has played a big part in my healing process, that's for sure:) and you can bet I'll read that book asap:)
      PS: it's funny reading what I wrote almost a year ago and how things and feelings changed;)